Tomorrow I get on a plane to Washington, DC….and I don’t have a return flight. I am moving to DC and moving in with my boyfriend. This is a huge step for me. Everything that I have done in my life, until now, was aimed at pleasing my parents. I put their love and their praise above everything else. As you can imagine, this didn’t make me too happy. I was doing things, not because I wanted to do them, but because it was what was asked of me…what was expected of me.
In December of 2006 I moved back home from Orange County, CA. I was broken physically, mentally, and emotionally. I needed to get back on my feet and felt that the best way to do that was to remove myself from my current location. My parents generously opened their doors to me and gave me the love and comfort that only parents can give. I appreciate all that they did for me.
However, moving back home as an adult has its challenges. The old roles are quickly assumed by myself and my parents. The love and caring has become overshadowed by tension and I continue to struggle to figure out who I am and what I want for my life. Hence the move to DC. I have lived my entire life in Southern California. I think it is time for me to stretch my wings and see what life is like somewhere else. Maybe this will work, and maybe it won’t, but I won’t know unless I try. I have an amazing guy who is willing to walk beside me and lend moral support as I need it. What more can you ask for in life?
This will be an adventure for sure, but one that I feel that I am strong enough to handle…finally.
September will be winding up here in a day or so, which means I need to take stock of my September Goals.
1. Ace the LSAT on the 26th (oh ok, I’ll settle for a good score, or even a decent score) ** well, I took the test. I have to wait until Oct. 19th for an email with my score. The will probably be the hardest email to read so far in my life.**
2. Have at least two more attorney’s sign up as clients for my business **Almost there. I had one sign up, unsolicited, off Twitter. That was pretty darn cool actually. He’s been following me and had need of some extra help…and the rest is history 🙂 So, I’ll only half cross that one off**
3. finally sort out my blogs and what posts go where ** darn it. still working on my two blogs and figuring it all out**
4. build up readership on my personal blog **well, not really sure about this one as I don’t really have a method for gaging. Maybe I should have made that a goal as well. I have 2 new subscribers so i guess from zero to 2 is an increase. I guess this will be going on October’s Goals list**
5. Make enough money to pay all of my bills and afford a new pair of pointe shoes **happy to say this was accomplished and the they are sewn (badly…even after all of these years I hate sewing them) and ready for me to plunge back into class now that pesky LSAT is out of the way**
Let’s see….two and half goals crossed off. Hmmm…not an all time record for goals, but considering LSAT was a big time sucker this month I think I did alright.
Now (drum roll) the October goals:
- Have two more attorneys sign up as clients (still building a business here)
- start taking ballet class on a regular basis again
- Not be shy at the NALS09 conference for which I am the guest tweeter/blogger
- figure out what the heck is my plan for law school
- have a blast at BlogWorld09 (you have no idea how excited I am to attend…I think i shall explode!)
- start studying for the Certified Legal Assistant exam I take in December
- sleep (why not make that a goal??)
Filed under Career, Goals, life
I’m 11 days out from taking the LSAT and I am…numb, frustrated, don’t care anymore. This is so unlike me. I’m the type A, competitive one of the family. The one who pushes on against all odds. The stubborn one who hates the word no and takes joy in proving you wrong complete with a triumphant “Ha!” and a happy dance after I trounce you. Yet, here I am pouring my heart out to my blog readers hoping that somehow doing so will make it all better.
All I feel right now is that I want to be done. I don’t want to take this test, I don’t want to go to law school, i don’t want to do any of it. I just want to turn my back on it and walk away. Go somewhere far away and do something anything, be anywhere but here. But who turns away when the finish line is in sight? It is right there in front of me and I just want to stop running, leave the race.
How do you keep pushing on when it is the last thing you want to do?
My parents can tell me exactly where they were and what they were doing the day JFK was shot. I will always remember where I was on 9/11. I had spent the summer in New York City studying ballet at the Joffrey Ballet School in their beautiful studios on the corner of 11th and 6th Avenue (aka Avenue of the Americas). That was my third summer there. I knew the city well enough to feel comfortable running around by myself. I had come to love that city for the cultural opportunities, the Arts that it was home to, and craziness of the city! I had been to the top of the Twin Towers and seen the view from up there. My parents, who had come out to see me perform, and I boarded a plane back to California exactly one month before 9/11. It had never crossed my mind to be concerned about my safety during the flight.
My summer continued on as normal, attending second summer session at my university, taking ballet class, and hanging out. Then one morning, one fateful morning, I was asleep at the home of my boyfriend at the time, and my cell phone rings. It was my mother. Deciding that it was too early to have a conversation with her, i let it go to voicemail. She called back again, and then a third time. It was then that I knew something must be wrong. I listened to her voicemail telling me that a plane had been hijacked and flown into one of the Twin Towers. I couldn’t believe it. I thought she had flipped her lid. I called her back and first thing she said was to turn on the tv. I did….and never moved. All day I watched the news, watching the planes fly into the towers over, and over, and over again.
As I watched people helping others from the wreckage, I noticed everyone was covered in dust. Everyone looked the same and everyone felt the same pain. For awhile, the nation was drawn together to help in a time of great need. The lines were erased. Differences set aside. We came together as a nation.
I will never forget where I was, how I felt or what I saw.
Where were you?
I was scrolling through my Google Reader entries, coffee mug in hand, when I came across an interesting post on Brazen Careerist. It is by Rebecca Thorman called “September Monthly Goal Meet-up” The idea is to cross of the goals from the pervious month and list out the goals for the current month. Then, you link to it on her blog and check out other people’s lists as a way to meeting new people and checking out new blogs. I think it is a preety neat idea. Much better than my usual method writing my goals down on a piece of paper and then losing the paper. So, without further ado, here are my goals for September (yes, yes…I know the month has already started…I’m a little behind, cut me some slack)
- Ace the LSAT on the 26th (oh ok, I’ll settle for a good score, or even a decent score)
- Have at least two more attorney’s sign up as clients for my business
- finally sort out my blogs and what posts go where
- build up readership on my personal blog
- Make enough money to pay all of my bills and afford a new pair of pointe shoes
I think those are enough goals for now. Don’t want to get ahead of myself on my goals.
What are your goals for September??