Turning away at the finish line


I’m 11 days out from taking the LSAT and I am…numb, frustrated, don’t care anymore. This is so unlike me. I’m the type A, competitive one of the family.  The one who pushes on against all odds. The stubborn one who hates the word no and takes joy in proving you wrong complete with a triumphant “Ha!” and a happy dance after I trounce you. Yet, here I am pouring my heart out to my blog readers hoping that somehow doing so will make it all better.

All I feel right now is that I want to be done. I don’t want to take this test, I don’t want to go to law school, i don’t want to do any of it. I just want to turn my back on it and walk away. Go somewhere far away and do something anything, be anywhere but here. But who turns away when the finish line is in sight? It is right there in front of me and I just want to stop running, leave the race.

How do you keep pushing on when it is the last thing you want to do?

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5 Comments

Filed under Goals, law school, life

5 responses to “Turning away at the finish line

  1. notsoliteral

    If you read “The Dip” by Seth Godin you’ll understand the sentiment that quitting isn’t always a bad thing. But it requires that you know what you’re going to do instead immediately after you quit, which is just as hard if not harder than keeping going against the never ending tide.

    Only you can answer this question of what’s right for you.. knowing that you have the option to do something else if you want to is important though.

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  3. I feel for you, Kris, I really do. There are so many times I’ve wondered why it’s worth it if it’s so difficult. I want the easy road — you know, that one that’s lit by signs that says you’re right on target, just hang in there a little while longer and you’ll reach your destination, just keep going and you’ll meet with all the successes you’ve ever dreamed of.

    I don’t know if that road exists. I don’t know if that success would be worth it if it did. But I do know that I’ve felt exactly how you feel now — where I wanted to give up on something I’d always wanted. And for awhile, I think I did. But then I realized it was more than a dream, a passion, and I’d renewed that motivation, determination, and love of it, climbing and making my way ever since.

    Notsoliteral’s comment above about the dip is right on. There’s always that point, I think. But if it’s something meaningful to you, if it’s something worthwhile, you’ll know it. And you’ll keep going not because you’re forcing yourself and not only because you have to, but because you want to. It’s absolutely natural to feel the way you do, to question it, to feel frustrated. And it’s ok to take another route if you feel this one isn’t for you. But that’s something only you can decide.

    Wishing you luck and friendship, with whatever road you take.

  4. Hey! As I’m going through the LSAT studying process myself, I think I know how you feel. I’ve been discouraged quite a bit as well, especially as I set a very high bar for myself, and if I don’t reach this feel extremely disappointed. So it’s hard for me to even reach my own expectations. This is kind of the problem.

    But for you I’d say — what’s your end goal? I’d ask you to reexamine why you are doing this. Why do you want to go to law school? What will you gain out of it? Is this something you are TRULY passionate about? And why? Then write down why you are passionate about law school and why you care so much about it. Write it down on a piece of paper and then tape it above your desk or on your door – somewhere where you’ll see it daily. This will give you the inspiration you need to continue and work hard!

  5. They say that anything worth having is worth having to try hard for. Or something like that. And I would say LSATs, applying to law school, getting into law school, getting out of law school alive, and becoming a lawyer are probably pretty difficult tasks. I’d think that they make it that way to weed out the people who really want it.

    You know part of the reason people sprint at the end of races? Because they are exhausted. Counterintuitive, right? You are exhausted, you slow down. But really, they recommend attempting to sprint the end because it pulls something from deep down inside of you that you may not have ever known was there otherwise. It’s the drive, the ambition, the will to finish and do better than you even knew you could. Otherwise, people would give up or give in. And really, where would we be then?

    I have faith and tons of admiration for you, I’m quite sure that you will pull out your sprint at the end.

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