Monthly Archives: April 2009

Black or White? I demand Grey!!!!


I should be writing my paper for legal history on where law is a reflection of societal changes between the Civil War and WWI, but I feel like writing a post instead.  The paper cane wait.  It’s not due until Monday.  Panic hasn’t set in yet.

So, as some of my followers may know (what?  I have followers?!), I have started taking ballet classes again, allowing ballet and dance back into my life after almost 4 months off.  It was physically painful to go back.  Now, the pain has gone and my body has accepted the fact that I am dancing again, and my soul is singing.  As I dance, I can’t help but smile.  It is great to just move, and feel pretty, or whatever the music demands of me.  To jump and turn and push myself.  It’s amazing.  This has also led me to long to perform again.  What’s the point of trying to master a performing art if you don’t perform it???

So, that brings me to my current dilemma.  I have been told it is one or the other, dance or law, black or white, left or right, path one or path two.  You can’t have both so pick one and stick with it (I’m terrible at making a decision when it comes to dance vs anything else in life).  So, I say “why should I have to choose?”  I demand grey!!! Why can’t the two paths mesh togeher? i want to be a freelance attorney and dance for contemporary dance companies.  Just because I don’t know if anyone who has managed to pull it off doesn’t mean it can’t be done.  I know that dancer’s have a clock ticking, telling them they are getting too old, but contemporary dancers last longer.  I know law school is expensive, but if there is a will there is a way.

Eventually I have to pick something to fight for.  I guess now is a good time as any to start.  So, I pick this. The road to law school just got to so much more complicated.

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Pain in her soul


I can see out!  There, there is the world! She thinks to her self. She is plunged into darkness and then the world appears again.  The darkness lasted for only a seI can see out! There, there is the world! She thinks to her self. She is plunged into darkness and then the world appears again. The darkness lasted for only a second, maybe even less. What is happening to me? She tries to move an arm or a leg, but nothing responds. She hears music and longs to dance to it. The body resists, strongly. The music gets louder and the urge to dance becomes stronger, threatening to overwhelm her. She realizes she is trapped inside a body. The longing to dance turns into a pain. A pain that she feels deep, deep inside. It hurts oh so badly. Hurts down to the core, down to her soul. The desire is overwhelming, frantically clawing to get out! Suddenly, she hears a voice all around her, surrounding her. Chanting: You shunned that life. ..You turned away from it…You chose this life…Accept it…accept it…accept it…cond, maybe even less.  What is happening to me? She tries to move an arm or a leg, but nothing responds.  She hears music and longs to dance to it.  The body resists, strongly.  The music gets louder and the urge to dance becomes stronger, threatening to overwhelm her.  She realizes she is trapped inside a body. The longing to dance turns into a pain.  A pain that she feels deep, deep inside.  It hurts oh so badly. Hurts down to the core, down to her soul.  The desire is overwhelming, frantically clawing to get out! Suddenly, she hears a voice all around her, surrounding her. Chanting: You shunned that life. ..You turned away from it…You chose this life…Accept it…accept it…accept it…

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Boundaries


Impulsive is defined as:

  • proceeding from natural feeling or impulse without external stimulus; “an impulsive gesture of affection”
  • without forethought; “letting him borrow her car was an impulsive act that she immediately regretted”
  • driving: having the power of driving or impelling; “a driving personal ambition”; “the driving force was his innate enthusiasm”; “an impulsive force”
  • capricious: determined by chance or impulse or whim rather than by necessity or reason; “a capricious refusal”; “authoritarian rulers are frequently capricious”; “the victim of whimsical persecutions”
  • hotheaded: characterized by undue haste and lack of thought or deliberation

I wanted the OED definition, but you have to pay for it (Guys, the way to my heart is to buy me the OED dictionary, new edition just came out.  Man, I am a geek).

Anyway, the point of this is is that I just had a solicitation to come visit someone who is going to be traveling in Arizona, which is close to where I am in California.  But I hesitate.  Why?  Take cost out of the picture, say the trip were free or that I hd money to burn.  Either way, cost not a factor. (considering my main reason for hesitating is cost..ha!)  Why do I hesitate?  Because I don’t really know this person or because I lack a certain amount of impulsiveness? Or is it because I have boundaries?  What causes other people to act on a whim, while yet others are cautious and think before they act?

…and Discuss!

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Step one: Admit your problem


I am a hypocrite. I really can’t believe that I am, but it is true. There have been blogs posts about work/life balance and making time for things you want and does Generation Y attend places of worship, etc.  I have read these posts, enjoyed them and the comments that follow.  I have even left comments saying such things as “life is about choices” and “you have to make time for things you want” and even (and Jun Loayza’s favorite) “then you pull an all-nighter to catch up.”

I backed out of a soccer game.  It was to be my first game with the team, a try-out if you will, and then I backed out the day of the game.  I had spent all morning doing taxes, applying for contract positions, etc, etc and didn’t even start my homework until 1pm and I was waaay behind on the reading for the class.  So, I backed out.  Then I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I had been to church, something I value and yet don’t make time for.  Who am I to leave comments for other people, when I don’t even practice what I preach??

Hypocrisy is something I can’t stand in other people.  I was a dance major and tried to make a go of it professionally, so I know fake when I see it (or at least like to think that I do).  It drives me crazy, and yet here I am faced with it in myself.  I feel…hollow.

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work, life, love


Jamie Varon had a contest on her blog, which I had the intention of participating in and then missed out because I became busy and took too long to post my answer.

The prompt was: a blog post of 100-300 words, answering my tag line: “That place where work, love, and life all meet and you wonder, “where the hell do I go from here?” You must use the word “intersected” in your post.

Here is my answer, better late than never.  Also, I just figured out how to have the names link to blogs and still look like names instead of the urls.  I am feeling pretty proud of myself.  Yes, yes, thank you…hold your applause.

From the place where work, love, and life are intersected, there is no where but up. Life is your oyster. It is all systems go. You have found the textbook definition of success. You have it all. When you ask people to define “success” in their own words, they will define it as having a balance of work and life and a life that contains love.

But, there is always more. Because if you have it all, (work, love, and life), then you are in the perfect position to give to others. The feeling of helping others and having the ability to make a difference in someone else’s life is the only feeling that can better the feeling of having made it to that place where work, love, and life all meet.

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Random thought for the day…


Here is a random thought for the day that I would like people’s opinions on.

Why is it that people are embarrassed when they catch you in a towel after a shower, but not in a bikini?  The towel covers up much more then the bikini does.  So, why the awkwardness??

It makes no sense to me.  Aaaaaand….discuss.

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Should I stay or should I go???


The blog title is a line from a song, I just can’t seem to remember which one.   The answer is decided for me. GO!  That is all I am doing right now.  On the go, go, go!!!  I am working for two jobs, and of course looking for a third client, because every successful business is always on the look out for their next client.  I am also networking, business lunches, week one of the new quarter at UCSD, studying for the LSAT and a long way off from my goal score, talking to people about law schools and researching said schools, and somewhere in the eat, sleep, and maybe even get some soccer playing in (except I can’t seem to find a team, argh!).  This has led to me having a much neglected blog and I still have not figure out how to use twitter from my phone.

Somedays I feel like my to do list is never getting shorter.  That there are tasks never getting accomplished and things I have forgotten to do.  Then I pause for a moment and wonder if ths is all worth it and if this is actually leading towards something good.  Is this all leading towards success or a cliff?  Honestly, I have no clue.  But, I have come this far down the trail, there is no turning back.  I have to keep pushing on and see what is at the end of the road.  I guess I could say that I am at the point of no return.  There is no turning off or an opportunity for a u-turn for miles and miles and miles.  Did I remember to get gas???  We will see!

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