Tears of frustration

“If someone had told my my freshman year of college that later in life I would be going to law school, I would have laughed until tears were rolling down my cheeks.”  That is how my law school personal statement starts (for now, I’m only on version one).  However, at this moment, those tears of laughter have turned to tears of frustration.

I was a good student in high school.  I took AP classes, studied hard, did extra credit work, and worried about my GPA.  I went to college and, well, fell off the wagon, I guess you would say.  I knew I should study more, and I would be good about for a few classes and then it would die down again and my grades reflect it.  I was so focused on being a ballet dancer and I was mental done with school, that I didn’t care.  I had no intention of going to grad school and ballet companies don’t care what grades you got in college. I didn’t understand that these things can come back to haunt you later.  I wish I could go back and change it, but I can’t.

So, now this ball-and-chain is also a hurdle to over come. I know that I can overcome it with hard work and a stellar score on the LSAT and a great personal statement and all of that.  But it is still frustrating.  To know that I am applying for something I really want and I know is the right thing for me to be doing, but I am ready have a check mark against me.  A huge red check-mark.  Maybe I should make one out of felt and pin it to my clothes Nathaniel Hawthorn style. To know that this is a profession where the school you go to matters, where doors are opened based on your school and your class rank at that school and who you know.  Now things will be harder, because the top school probably won’t even look at me.  Doesn’t matter that they have programs I want to be involved in or that I could contribute so much to their student body. My numbers don’t fit their formula and so, I am out.  Something that was several years ago and I can no longer change will have a big influence on my future and I am stuck with it.  That is frustration right there.  Textbook definition.  So, I sit here, pouring my heart out through my fingers, trying to put the immense amount of frustration and pain that I feel right now into words.  To somehow articulate it and wondering if anyone will even read this.  Can anyone else feel the pain?



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3 responses to “Tears of frustration

  1. Hey, it’s hard when you’re launching yourself in a new direction… you don’t have all the momentum that comes from a habit of passion, if you know what I mean. But it sounds like you have a fierce ambition and the clarity of all that time spent dancing, so you actually know what you want. That should count for something, at least if they’re paying attention!

  2. I just came through the last two and a half years of school. I am graduating with a BS in Paralegal Studies. I completed this 4 year degree in a short period of time. I am also 45 years old. Red-flag? You bet. Why did I do it? At the moment, the only reason I can come up with is because I had to finish. So many times I have started school and been waylaid by one thing or another.

    I realize this, don’t spend your time looking at the past and wondering why you didn’t do one thing or another different. Look at today and see what you can do right now to accomplish what you want. What do you need to do today to get through today and get to where you want to go tomorrow. It is hard not to get scared and discouraged. Begin by looking at what you have accomplished in your life and giving yourself credit for those things. Then, look at what you want, and decide how you are going to get there. Then just begin to do it. One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.

    You’ll be fine, and a better lawyer for your humble attitude and seemingly overwhelming circumstances that you have gotten through.

  3. I feel your pain — grades in college are tougher than high school and I worry about my law school/grad school prospects all the time. I’m trying to work first so my work experience matters more when I apply to grad school.

    Good luck with your LSAT and applications — you can and will rock them!

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